Bleh. Frustration, complaining, whatever you wanna call it.

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Today was a weird day. I was in kind of a depressed mood all day. I started my IV infusions of prednisone this morning. It was probably my worst day yet feeling wise. I was severely run down and my face was the color of the snow outside. I’m also starting to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had gained a few pounds but this morning I was back down to 90 lbs. I want to be able to be back at the gym and be able to do more than one thing a day. I went to dinner tonight with some of my girlfriends and our moms. This is a Thursday night tradition for us and has been for about 7 years. Going to dinner broke up my day a little and made me in a better mood seeing I was around people. But even being out for the couple hours I was, I came home and was exhausted. It’s crazy how little I can do. I feel pretty well when I’m home but that’s because I just lay on the couch and rest. As some people call it being “lazy” but sometimes that’s how life with Crohn’s is. I hate complaining, usually only my mom hears my complaints, but my frustration is just growing, and hey this is my outlet right. I’m as positive as I can be but sometimes you just have these days.

As I lay here hooked up to my IV, I can’t help but think why was I chosen to deal with this. Everyone has their problems in life, and deals with them differently. I wouldn’t wish this disease upon anyone. I’m envious of the people surrounding me being able to finish college on time and lead normal lives and hold down a job. I know I will have my time and my life will figure itself out but right now it just sucks. There’s really no other way to describe it.

I always try to put at least one positive thought in each of my blog posts. This effort has actually been helping me a lot. I guess I can say I am thankful this disease has made me as strong as it has. It could always be worse. I’m a strong person, but I couldn’t get through this alone. No way in hell could I get through this alone. It is something that eats you from the inside out. First meeting me you would never know I have Crohn’s. I look like any other twenty-one year old girl out there. And sometimes that is the hardest part. I have a love-hate relationship with this “invisible” disease. Obviously I don’t want that to be the first thing people find out about me. But sometimes it is too easy to hide. Or at least most of my life I’ve done a damn good job doing so. Not anymore though, I’m done hiding it. Take it or leave it, it’s me.

Writing this blog I’ve already had people coming to me for advice or help, and for people to look to me for that is amazing. Maybe this is why I was given this disease. To help other people get through their hard times. Crohn’s Disease isn’t who I am but I wouldn’t be who I am today if I wasn’t fighting this battle. And yes, it is a long, hard battle. But that’s life. Whattya gunna do.

6 thoughts on “Bleh. Frustration, complaining, whatever you wanna call it.

  1. I was recently diagnosed with Crohn’s, just two weeks ago in fact and I am also twenty-one. I know what you mean about the whole “invisible” disease thing – it sucks but at the same time at least we have the power to control who gets to know our business. I’ve found writing my blog is helping me so much, even if nobody reads it it’s just great to say how I really feel. What I didn’t expect to find was that I love to read other peoples blogs about their experience with Crohn’s, so thank you for sharing yours, if it’s helping me, I’m sure it’s helping so many others out there. I’m having a pretty negative day today too, but tomorrow’s a different day.
    I hope you’re as well as any of us can be 🙂 x

    • I’m sorry about being diagnosed, that was one of the hardest days of it all. Just coming to terms with it. And I’m really glad I could help! I love reading others peoples blogs too were not alone! Hope your day gets better and tomorrow is even better! And Thank you! Keep your head up

  2. I just stumbled upon your blog and I am so happy I did. I’m 19 and I was diagnosed with Crohns Disease less than 4 months ago. It’s been hard on me but reading your blog has really put a smile on my face and I just wanted to thank you. You’re a help to so many people. Stay positive and don’t ever change. I think you’re pretty amazing. Prednisone sucks but you’re taking it like a real trooper. Hang in there. xoxo – Gabby

    • I’m sorry about your diagnosis but hopefully they caught it soon enough! And thank you so much for that, it means a lot! It makes me so happy and just wanting to reach out more hearing I’m helping people and can make a difference. It’s not an easy road, keep your head up! 🙂 If you ever need to talk or vent or have any questions don’t be afraid to contact me! Here’s my email if you ever need it, mstratx@gmail.com.

  3. I’ve been reading up on your blog Michelle, (my uncle has crohns, and my dad has a much less serious form of diverticulitis) and I think it is really great how positive you are about the whole situation. Being in pharmacy school, your experiences with your meds are really interesting and I eventually hope to research this horrible disease once I graduate. So keep going strong and keep writing!

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