Pushing Myself to the Brink

So today was my first infusion of Entyvio. This may sound like a foreign medication to most, and well that’s because it is. It has only been FDA approved since May and then came out in June. I knew this day was going to come that I’d start on my last option (for now), but I just wasn’t sure when. Starting a new medication for me is not exactly a new thing. I have been on almost everything in the book as you all may know from my previous posts. This medicine is a lot like Tysabri (which is a bit more popular, used for CD, UC, and MS) except it doesn’t seem to have the side affects that Tysabri hentyvioas, especially the PML virus which is scary as hell, look it up. When my doctor told me that it was relatively low risk and an infusion once every six weeks I was in! I’m always excited to start on a new medication because it kind of gives me a new light on things, “maybe this will work” goes through my head every time. But this was a little bit different.

I am having so much more pain than normal. I’ve been on prednisone for a week now and usually I am eating the whole household and feeling like a million bucks. Not this time, something is different… I was keeling over with pain this past Sunday and had to resort to pain medication, which I hate to admit. I hate the thought of having to take pain medication, I can usually silently manage my pain and most of the time the people around me wouldn’t even know. Not lately, it’s been pretty unmanageable pain. And the worst part about it is I’m having flank pain too as they call it… Aka possible kidney stones. Wonderful.

I can literally feel my insides swelling. I’m not talking bloating I’m talking tissue swelling. It sounds gross but it’s pretty damn uncomfortable. I eat and I swell. It’s been off and on but also been making me a little nervous that something else is going on. Hopefully not but we’ll give it a little while for this prednisone to work some more and then figure it out.

This all makes me nervous because I am finally ready to grind down and go back to school full force this fall. I have my classes set-up and start next Tuesday towards applying to the nursing program this coming spring. This weekend is also my 22nd birthday and I was hoping to get out and have some fun! I probably will, becIMG_8188ause that’s what I do.. I push myself even when I don’t feel good. Sometimes probably a little too hard but oh well. Like I say “it’s my life, let me live it”. It’s actually KILLING me right now to be sitting in bed exhausted and in pain because I bought some new Nike sneakers and gym clothes today on my way home from my appointment and all I want do is try them out! Lately going to the gym has been the only thing mentally keeping me going. It’s my happy place to feel good about myself and blow off some steam. Even if that only means speed walking on the treadmill and lifting 5 lb. weights (when I’m having an off day physically). Actually I might do that later tonight. Hopefully I’ll be feeling a little bit better after a nap.

It’s frustrating having to be cooped up. I mean I don’t have to be but my body just reaches it’s limit sometimes and I have to take a step back. I’m not sure if lack of sleep because of prednisone or the new medication that did it to me today but I can barely function right now and these hot flashes (prednisone side affect) are god awful. Today I wanted to make it a fun day in Boston with my mom after my appointment but prednisonemy body was telling me otherwise. We headed to the Wrentham Outlets after I was done with the infusion and it lasted about an hour. I was so fatigued, nauseated, and swollen we had to leave. Not to mention my extremely crabby attitude and mood swings (also due to prednisone) didn’t exactly make for a fun time.

Now, this is all just a waiting game. Pushing through each day while I wait for my body to hopefully react in a positive way to Entyvio. I have another dose in two weeks, then four weeks, and from then on every six weeks. My doctor told me it could be up to three months to see how much it is potentially going to work. I’ve decided though, unless I am in the hospital I am not going to let it keep me from school this time. I will not withdraw this semester, actually even if I am in the hospital, I will do whatever I can to keep at it. I need to, for my own mental well-being.

Having an invisible disease is wearing on the mind. Very wearing. People assume because you look good and push yourself that you’re fine. I don’t blame them because how would they know unless they’ve experienced it? Sometimes though I just want to have them walk one day in one of our [Crohnie’s] shoes. It would probably change their life, actually not probably, it would change their life.

-xoMichelle

 

 

5 thoughts on “Pushing Myself to the Brink

    • Yeah it used to be a miracle drug for me but lately the only way it’s effective is if I get it via IV which has 10x the side affects. And thank you!! 🙂 I didn’t look as good when I was on it for 9 months but hopefully this time it won’t be that long!

  1. I haven’t tried Entyvio yet because it is yet another biologic. I too have been on everything out there.Now I face colon removal because a nasty fistula has connected my bladder to my colon and i keep breaking out with UTI’s. I wish u luck!

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