Well I was trying to do my English work that was due at midnight but I cannot concentrate and I am having a horrible hot flash.
It all started a few weeks ago, not sure if it’s the season change or stress of school. I don’t think I’m stressed out about school because I’m doing really good and like it but maybe subconsciously? By “it all started” I mean the exhaustion, countless bathroom trips, and severe stomach pain. I can see it slowly progressing each day. The other night I was up sitting on the toilet for hours and woke up in the morning with such severe stomach pain I had to take a pain pill to get out of bed and force myself to go to my anatomy lab this morning. Thank god I was done at 2:30. I came home and slept for about three hours. It really never ends does it.
Well, got off the phone with my doctor today. He sounded pretty disappointed, just as I was. This was really my last option available right now for treatment and it is clearly not working because I have constant pain. Even when I feel good, I still have pain. There is a treatment right around the corner but not sure exactly how far that corner is. I don’t know much about it other than it is approved for rheumatoid arthritis and in trials for Crohn’s. We’ll see. Before anything he wants to do a colonoscopy -____- But really before anything we can say good bye to this thin, proportionate face thank you to my 2934838753rd time on prednisone, which started yesterday. Already experiencing hot flashes, moodiness, and insomnia (as you can see it is 2am). And also awaiting my hip and knee replacements at age 30.
It’s constant frustration lately. I haven’t been having much fluctuation in my weight so yes in fact, I look good. Don’t, please, for your own good, ever say the three words “you look good” to a sick Crohnie. WE KNOW! This is in fact an invisible disease meaning unless you are my doctor with a camera up my butt you cannot see this illness. I haven’t been able to eat before 5pm most days without feeling terrible amounts of pain and several potty emergencies in the hour to follow (refer back to my post “Potty Emergencies 101” if you are confused as to what I am talking about…). I can’t even look at food lately. Never ask a Crohnie to finish their meal, or why they are not eating. I don’t care if it is a perfectly cooked filet mignon and a scoop of fluffy garlic mashed potatoes with a side of perfectly seasoned mixed vegetables; it is nauseating. Also, don’t force a Crohnie to push themselves harder than they already have. We know what we can and can’t do and we are probably already past our limit of what we should be doing.
I do a lot of nothing lately. Not by choice, but because of this annoyingly life-consuming disease I’ve been blessed with, and the essence behind this whole blog of course. Sometimes I feel like I need to give everyone I meet a detailed medical pamphlet with every little thing drawn out about Crohn’s disease for them to remotely understand. I mean you will never fully understand unless you go through it, as with most situations in life. But with Crohn’s a stomach ache is not just a stomach ache, “I’m tired” isn’t just “I’m tired”, and in most cases “I don’t feel good” is just a nice way of saying I feel like someone is ripping out my intestines and setting them on fire so try to be at least a little sympathetic or leave me the hell alone.
Crohn’s is indeed a huge pain in the ass, but it isn’t all shitty all the time.. ahah well some of the time. The moral of the story is you don’t know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have. Yeah, it sucks but it could be alllloooot worse. All this talk about different potential cures on Facebook and social media I read all the time is great and all but, I tend to focus on the now, who knows we might not be here tomorrow. So hell, throw a smile on and in between your bouts of excruciating pain and embarrassing potty emergencies find a reason to smile. Laughter is the best medicine. And if you can’t laugh eventually about the weird, awkward situations you will encounter as a Crohnie because they are a lot more frequent than one would think, you’ll go crazy. So I threw in a few pretty funny ecards I found to hopefully get the rest of you Crohnies laughing hopefully at least a little bit!
…said no healthy person ever lol
English can wait till tomorrow. Turning my AC back on because these hot flashes are worse than trying to put makeup on in the dead of summer. Sweet dreams errrrybody.