Mentality is Everything

Since I’m done with school for a couple weeks and killed this past academic year with my bare hands ;p I decided I’d write a little bit. I do kind of miss it; not writing as much as I used to. But, I can’t believe I have actually gotten through a WHOLE school year without getting sick or being hospitalized. I keep emphasizing to the people around me that “I’m done, I finished a year!” and they’re probably getting annoyed at this point like “okkkkeyyy we get it, you’re done” lol. But it is a huge deal for me. The past five years of my life (and throughout highschool), I’ve struggled with school. I could never figure out how to not get overwhelmed by a heavy work load and I never thought that I could actually do it. “You’re going to get sick” was in the back of my mind ALL the time. And when I saw all the time, I mean at pretty much every waking second. The struggle was real and this was probably the worst mindset a person could have. After having to withdraw twice from school, several hospitalizations/in home IV treatments per year I was pretty much at a loss when it came to my education. It didn’t help that the schools were not at all understanding especially Westfield State, I kind of wish I took more action with it but at the time I was so sick I didn’t even care. Regardless I decided I needed to do something with my mindset. I first started with encouraging myself (even if I didn’t believe myself I knew eventually I would) and finding a stress outlet, which was the gym. I think that’s truly when things began to change for me. Stress is hands down my #1 trigger to a flare up. It only takes me about two or three weeks of being stressed out to start noticing significant symptoms including- energy loss, bloody bm, canker sores in my mouth, severe joint pain, bloating, etc. Although these past final weeks of school have sent me into a little flare from the stress, I have changed my mindset to control my stress levels and it’s finally paying off. I have a 4.0 gpa to show for it!

The gym and living a healthy lifestyle has no doubt changed my life. Not only do I see myself physically looking healthier and stronger, my mentality is as strong as it’s ever been. It hasn’t been as easy as it sounds though. It’s taken me a few years to figure everything out and I’m still a work in progress (mentally and physically). Some people may call me a bit obsessed with the “fit lifestyle” but I just loFullSizeRender (7)ok at it as dedication. Yes I log my food, and yes I count calories/macros, but how else do you learn? It also allows me to make sure I’m getting the amount of food and nutrients I need to stay healthy. And not to mention keeps my brain occupied with something I really enjoy doing.  Being able to channel my stress, or anyone being able to do that in a healthy manner is one of the keys to happiness. I am now successfully able to block out negativity (which I was terrible at before) and it feels so damn good!

Not only is changing your diet/focusing on a healthy lifestyle and exercising is a good stress reliever but it can be beneficial to IBD itself. I’ve noticed that even when my body might not feel that great, my mind still does which is vital in living a somewhat normal life with Crohn’s. Your mind is everything.. Exercise also tends to calm down my digestive system and allows me to IMG_1613have normal bm! Craziness. I tend to not have the best appetite, so when I exercise it also keeps me hungry and my metabolism in check!  Another benefit of exercise is the benefit it has on your bones. Us Crohnies have most likely been on an obscene amount of steroids, which can long-term lead to breakdown of bones (osteoporosis), so this can be a great preventative method for IBD patients.

Well as this school year comes to a close I am a happier, more accomplished me 🙂 Not only am I closing a chapter but I am opening a new one and starting the nursing program at my school in the Fall. Life is only today, and you can accomplish anything if you really want it. Not to say there aren’t obstacles but take it day by day, moment by moment and you’d be surprised at how much you can achieve!



Just One of Those Days.

I haven’t written in a while, probably because I’ve for the most part felt pretty good. Until probably a week ago. Had a few drinks, a handful of popcorn, less sleep than normal, stress from school, and while I was at it might as well have just have swallowed a few razor blades -__- lol and that was not a joke. I do my best to hide when I feel like absolute dog poo, but sometimes you just needa let it out (no pun intended). Besides my mom this is the only place I really let it out. No one really can comprehend the fact that one day you might be able to climb mount Everest and be on top of the world and the next you are on your death bed begging your nurse to feed you some jello. But us Crohnie’s have pretty much accepted that’s how life works for us. The hard part about it all is finding someone who can actually deal with that, or care enough to try to deal with it. It’s not a life anyone wished for but i’s the only life we have. Honestly, I wouldn’t trade it for anything because it has taught me how to live each day like it’s my last, and that isn’t just a cliché statement. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I was never diagnosed with this stupid disease 10 years ago. Yeah, it’s stupid but I’m just thankful my life experiences have helped others along the way. Sometimes you’re going to get discouraged and that’s with anything in life. But when it’s with you’re health it’s a little bit harder. It’s beyond your control and sometimes you just need a shoulder to lean on. It’s actually really hard because most people around you, in your life probably think you’re perfectly fine but it’s those “commmmon michelle you can take that shot” or the “don’t be a pussy you can do it” (excuse my French) but that stuff will push you over. Be strong enough not to give into it. I’m kind of a hypocrite saying this but just take it from a veteran Crohnie. don’t give in.

I guess the take home message in this short blurb is make sure you have someone next to you that understands, or at least will be there for you.. even when you poo your pants :p

-xo Michelle