Over the years of having this blog I haven’t been very consistent with posting but I have been consistent with writing. The challenge for me is deciding what to post and what to keep to myself. But then my mind goes back to when I first started this and why I continued. I started writing for myself as an outlet, but I continued because of the amount of feedback I was given and the amount of people I have helped. I’ve been extremely open while writing this blog. I talk about the real things and the ugly things no one wants to. But I now realize this is why it has helped people.
Something happens when you become physically the healthiest you have in your entire life. It’s not something easily explained. It’s almost like the disease was never there, it never existed… Until it appears again. When I say this I don’t mean the disease itself but the impacts it makes on your life. These can be some of the most frustrating moments in your life. There is no cure for Crohn’s Disease. Symptoms may disappear at times, but it always remains with you. Some how, some way. You face challenges you otherwise wouldn’t. You just have to decide whether this builds you up or breaks you down.
As some of you may know, I have had a lot of obstacles to overcome with my school and career path. I’ve always felt I was meant to work in the medical field. I’ve been holding on to this for years. For those of you who aren’t familiar with what had happened in the past… I was accepted into nursing school and was kicked out because I had negative titers for some immunizations (I never converted when I received my vaccines as a child so I am now not immune to these diseases). We fought and fought with the school but lost the battle. Now that I am healthy and on less medications I wanted to revisit this possibility. I wasn’t ready to completely shut this door. I’m following the proper protocol, with an infectious disease doctor. But my last visit with him wasn’t too promising. Administering some vaccines could be deemed as malpractice. I have my follow up appointment tomorrow. My doctor redid my titers to see if anything has miraculously changed. We’re praying for a miracle but I also need to prepare myself for this door in my life to close.
These are the types of things I am talking about. Now, everyone goes through bad times, and is faced with challenges, but it can be difficult coming to terms with this while living with a chronic illness. This is especially true for the newly diagnosed or patients who have been in remission before. You are never prepared for this. Even, after more than ten years of being diagnosed I am still not prepared. This disease has never ruled my life, it is one-hundred percent a part of me, but it isn’t who I am. I haven’t let it dictate me succeeding or failing. Although it has made me carve new paths along the way, I have to look at this as new opportunity. I don’t give myself any other choice.
This though, is one of the hardest challenges I’ve been faced with. I never thought I’d have to overcome things (because of Crohn’s Disease) while in remission. The frustration is being healthy finally and still not being able to do the things you want to do. Like I said I have been holding onto this career path for years. Closing these doors can be hard but the only way to move on is by finding another one to open. I feel defeated at moments, which you will, but you have to rise up and out of it somehow. Having awareness that you are going face these types of obstacles because of your illness will make a huge impact on how you react and your ability to find the good in it.
Life comes at us hard sometimes, and there are an unlimited amount of ways we can react. Ultimately though, the choice is ours to carve our own path no matter the circumstance.