You Are Enough

Hi everyone! Long time, no see.. or talk.. write? Idk haha. But a lot of things along with a lot of people have inspired me lately to revisit my blog. A lot has happened since I’ve last written and I have made many different mind shifts about life. About five months ago I made the decision I wanted to become a better “me”. This has been many years in the coming, and going to be many more years in the making. It started though one morning, I literally woke up, looked in the mirror, and thought to myself… “What are you doing with your life?” No, I don’t mean career wise or education. Everyone has a purpose in this life and I knew that was what I was missing all these years. I was a floundering 20-something year old girl who didn’t know who she was. I’m not going to say now I 100% do, but I am well on my way.

How did I start, you ask? Well, I started with meditation. Pretty simple, but very powerful. I know I’ve mentioned this whole thing  before but I never really stuck with it over a long period of time. By that I mean, I make time pretty much every single day whether its 5 minutes or 45 minutes to sit down and meditate. Thanks to my brother I discovered this amazing thing to escape the world and free my mind I guess you could say. It has brought me leaps and bounds. Not only have I seen improvements in my stomach because it is such a stress reliever but (I know it sounds corny) it has opened my eyes to the beauty of life. I’m slowly getting out of my own way, accomplishing more things in life I want to accomplish. Excuses are no longer becoming even an option in my life. I’m no longer so quick to judge people or things. And every time I get a chance to help someone out, I take that opportunity. But, this is a process and it takes commitment.

It’s been hard; it’s not easy to change habits or a mindset, and frankly people are deathly afraid of it. I was at first, and it’s still scary. But, taking action is the first step. If you have followed me in the past you can see through my blog different changes I have already made. But I’ve dedicated more to bettering myself now more than ever. I watch motivational videos (shoutout to Alexi Panos, I love her, check her out she’s awesome), I think daily about what I’m thankful for, and I even wrote in bright red lipstick across the mirror I get ready in front of every morning “I am enough”. It might sound crazy, but it works. You are enough, you just have to truly believe it.

I’m not trying to “preach” this stuff to anyone, but I just want to put it out there how it has positively  affected me. I wrote this blog to share my story and help others battling Crohn’s Disease. This is an invisible disease (unless you were to turn us inside out lol) and it is VERY wearing on the mind. Between losing jobs, not being able to complete education, to being scared to go certain places you don’t know where the bathroom is, Crohn’s is an everyday constant battle… They say health is something taken for granted until it is diminished. As Crohnies we’ve all been in states of pretty diminished health and poor quality of life. But, beginning to love myself for me I’ve been able to enjoy every day for what it is and not take other things for granted either.

It’s taken me a while not to be affected by the people around me who say I do nothing or that I sleep all the time or it’s annoying how often I “don’t feel good” and I’m proud to say now, it really has no affect on me at all. Frankly, I don’t care what anyone else thinks, they don’t live in my body. It doesn’t matter what job you have, what car you drive, or how many times you’ve succeeded or failed. Everyone is fighting their own battles in life, as long as you’re moving forward, that’s the best you can do. I know everything I do is enough and I’m not living for anyone else but myself. And you shouldn’t either!

The days (take today for example) where I woke up keeled over in pain for the few hours that I was, I no longer feel bad about taking time for myself and laying on the couch being a “lazy bum”. I don’t feel bad for myself on these days, because yeah it could be a lot worse. Instead now I find ways to still try to enjoy this time. Put a funny movie on to have a laugh, cuddle my dogs, or sit outside and listen to the birds if it’s a nice day. And also, I keep the thought in my head: when I do feel good there’s absolutely no stopping me. I’m finally going for the things I want in life and I don’t just keep my eyes on my goals; I make sure I am also enjoying each moment as best as I can. That I believe is the most important lesson in life to be learned because we might not be here tomorrow. This lesson has definitely stemmed from my growth of self-awareness. Butttt  I don’t want to drag this on too long, even though it was long over-due so I’ll leave ya with that. It’s good to be back sharing my thoughts and hopefully inspiring one or two along the way! I will be back soon! And remember kids, its about the journey, not the destination, so enjoy the hell out of the ride! 😉

-xoMichelle

p.s. if any wordpress users know how to change their picture on here, that’d be completely awesome if you could share 🙂 I need a little update on this thing!

 

Mentality is Everything

Since I’m done with school for a couple weeks and killed this past academic year with my bare hands ;p I decided I’d write a little bit. I do kind of miss it; not writing as much as I used to. But, I can’t believe I have actually gotten through a WHOLE school year without getting sick or being hospitalized. I keep emphasizing to the people around me that “I’m done, I finished a year!” and they’re probably getting annoyed at this point like “okkkkeyyy we get it, you’re done” lol. But it is a huge deal for me. The past five years of my life (and throughout highschool), I’ve struggled with school. I could never figure out how to not get overwhelmed by a heavy work load and I never thought that I could actually do it. “You’re going to get sick” was in the back of my mind ALL the time. And when I saw all the time, I mean at pretty much every waking second. The struggle was real and this was probably the worst mindset a person could have. After having to withdraw twice from school, several hospitalizations/in home IV treatments per year I was pretty much at a loss when it came to my education. It didn’t help that the schools were not at all understanding especially Westfield State, I kind of wish I took more action with it but at the time I was so sick I didn’t even care. Regardless I decided I needed to do something with my mindset. I first started with encouraging myself (even if I didn’t believe myself I knew eventually I would) and finding a stress outlet, which was the gym. I think that’s truly when things began to change for me. Stress is hands down my #1 trigger to a flare up. It only takes me about two or three weeks of being stressed out to start noticing significant symptoms including- energy loss, bloody bm, canker sores in my mouth, severe joint pain, bloating, etc. Although these past final weeks of school have sent me into a little flare from the stress, I have changed my mindset to control my stress levels and it’s finally paying off. I have a 4.0 gpa to show for it!

The gym and living a healthy lifestyle has no doubt changed my life. Not only do I see myself physically looking healthier and stronger, my mentality is as strong as it’s ever been. It hasn’t been as easy as it sounds though. It’s taken me a few years to figure everything out and I’m still a work in progress (mentally and physically). Some people may call me a bit obsessed with the “fit lifestyle” but I just loFullSizeRender (7)ok at it as dedication. Yes I log my food, and yes I count calories/macros, but how else do you learn? It also allows me to make sure I’m getting the amount of food and nutrients I need to stay healthy. And not to mention keeps my brain occupied with something I really enjoy doing.  Being able to channel my stress, or anyone being able to do that in a healthy manner is one of the keys to happiness. I am now successfully able to block out negativity (which I was terrible at before) and it feels so damn good!

Not only is changing your diet/focusing on a healthy lifestyle and exercising is a good stress reliever but it can be beneficial to IBD itself. I’ve noticed that even when my body might not feel that great, my mind still does which is vital in living a somewhat normal life with Crohn’s. Your mind is everything.. Exercise also tends to calm down my digestive system and allows me to IMG_1613have normal bm! Craziness. I tend to not have the best appetite, so when I exercise it also keeps me hungry and my metabolism in check!  Another benefit of exercise is the benefit it has on your bones. Us Crohnies have most likely been on an obscene amount of steroids, which can long-term lead to breakdown of bones (osteoporosis), so this can be a great preventative method for IBD patients.

Well as this school year comes to a close I am a happier, more accomplished me 🙂 Not only am I closing a chapter but I am opening a new one and starting the nursing program at my school in the Fall. Life is only today, and you can accomplish anything if you really want it. Not to say there aren’t obstacles but take it day by day, moment by moment and you’d be surprised at how much you can achieve!

 

-xoMichelle